


The Ghosts of Our Past

by Moongazer12



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley Has PTSD (Good Omens), Dealing with PTSD, First Kiss, Like that’s a majority of the plot, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:54:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24639514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moongazer12/pseuds/Moongazer12
Summary: When Crowley wakes up from a nap because of a loud noise, he goes into protective mode.OrCrowley has PTSD and he and Aziraphale deal with an episode.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 107





	The Ghosts of Our Past

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!! I’m back with another little fic. I based Crowley’s PTSD on how I experience PTSD. This is not how everyone experiences it. 
> 
> If you need help, don’t hesitate to ask for it. We are stronger together than we are apart. If you ever need to talk, you can message me on tumblr. I’m flaming-like-anything.

Crowley was napping on Aziraphale’s couch in the back room, when he hears the door slam. Instantly, he’s awake, looking around to get his bearings and find the trouble. 

There’s no sign of Aziraphale, so Crowley saunters- a little quicker thank normal- out into the front. There he spots  ~~ his ~~ the angel standing behind the rarely used checkout counter. Aziraphale’s frustrated features melt into a blinding smile when he sees Crowley. 

“Hello dear, did the customer wake you? He was ever so loud and rude.” The angel chattered amiably.

Crowley did not share Aziraphale’s happy sentiments. He was on high alert, unable to shake the feeling that something dreadful was going to happen. His eyes, carefully hidden behind his glasses, were sweeping the around the bookshop, making sure the coast is clear. While everything seemed alright and nothing out of place, Crowley couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that something was off, and if he didn’t find out what it was terrible things would happen to Aziraphale and himself.

“-dear?” Aziraphale’s voice cut through the panic. Crowley’s eyes snapping to the angels. 

“Hhm?” Crowley hopes that it comes off as cool and collected, not the anxious, terrified disaster that he feels inside. One look at Aziraphale, it obvious that his attempt was folly. 

“Crowley, are-are you alright?” Aziraphale asks softly, as he advances slowly towards the demon. 

“I’m fine, Angel. Perfectly fine. Peachy. You know me, fine. Always fine. Just fine.” Crowley’s eyes are wildly darting everywhere.  _ Where’s the danger?? It’s here somewhere, why can’t I find it?!?!? _

When did breathing become so hard? He’s gotta find the danger. He’s gotta. He’s gotta. He’s got-

“My dear.” Aziraphale is right in front of him. Crowley closes his eyes because he doesn’t know what else to do. Something touches his face and he flinches away.

“I’m sorry. I just, what do you need. How do I help you?” There’s so much concern laced into the words that Crowley finds himself opening his eyes. He holds Aziraphale’s gaze for a few seconds then starts looking around again. 

“Where’s the danger? I can’t find it. If I can’t find it, I can’t protect us, and if I can’t protect us then we’re in danger, and if we’re in danger and I can’t protect you then I’ll lose you, and if I lose y-“

“Hey, hey. There is no danger.” Aziraphale has a hand on Crowley’s face, trying to get the demon to look at him, while his other hand is lightly stroking his arm in what he hopes in a comforting manner. Crowley finally manages to look Aziraphale in the eyes and hold his gaze. 

“There was just an angry customer. He was loud and stormed out, but nothing happened. See? I am alright. You are alright. There is no danger.”

“That’s because I can’t find it!” Crowley cries, tears starting to trickle down, and he has no idea how to stop them. Nether his body or mind are listing to him. He feels like a prisoner trapped in his corporation. 

“Oh, my dear.” Aziraphale says as softly as he can. He slowly moves Crowley so that the demon is embraced in a hug; tucking the head into his neck, and wrapping his arms around the distraught being. Aziraphale rubs his back, as Crowley starts bawling. Crowley keeps repeating, “I can’t- can’t f-find it” over and over again as he sobs into Aziraphale’s shoulder. 

Slowly, but surly, Crowley tears petter out, and he’s left hiccuping and shivering in Aziraphale’s arms. 

“Crowley..” Aziraphale starts, a little hesitantly, after a few minutes have passed. “Would you mind telling me what that was about?” He was afraid that the demon would either start crying again or clam up and never speak about it again. The crying he could deal with, but he was not sure it was a good idea to just bottle this experience up, it did not seem healthy. 

“I-I don’t know, Angel.” Crowley’s voice sounded like sandpaper. He cleared his throat and tried again. 

“One minute I was sleeping on the couch, the next I was up and I knew that there was danger, but I couldn’t find you, so I went out and found you- you were safe- so then I had to find the danger, but I couldn’t find it” Crowley rambled. Aziraphale just stood there, holding his friend and listened. “And it just became too much, I always find the danger right away, not finding the danger is how the get you in Hell, so I’ve become really good at spotting danger, but I couldn’t find it and I don’t want you to get hurt or- k-killed.” Crowley hiccuped the last word. He buries his face further into Aziraphale’s neck, finding some comfort there. 

“You know how much I appreciate you always looking out for me, dear boy. You are so good at it. You take such good care of me.” Aziraphale coos into Crowley’s ear as he continues to rub his back. 

“You are so brave and so strong.” They stay like that for a long time, with Aziraphale whispering love and affection while Crowley holds onto Aziraphale like a lifeline. 

Crowley’s breath evens out as his mind clears of panic. He’s not clinging to the angel now so much as he his holding him for comfort. Finally, he sniffles, and convinces himself to pull away, morning the loss of the embrace. Aziraphale caught his hands and gave them a squeeze. 

“I- uh- I’m sorry about that, Angel. I don’t know what came over me. I just felt this... panic.. and I needed to protect yo-us, us from something and I freaked out when I couldn’t find it.” Crowley couldn’t look at Aziraphale’s face, no, he was staring at their hands as he talked. 

“I don’t know why I freaked out, but I swear I’ll do my best to make sure it never happens again. You deserve better, Angel.” Crowley watched Aziraphale let go of his left hand. He closed his eyes fearing the worst, when he felt the hand slowly tip his chin upwards so that he was facing Aziraphale. Then he felt his glasses come off, and finally a hand rest on his face, thumb lightly brushing his cheekbone. Crowley opens his eyes, blinking into the brighter light. 

“My dear, you have been through so much, more than I know. You have every right to be on edge, history has taught you to be so. Do not feel like you have to hide this from me; if you need me, I will be here for you, just like you have always been here for me. We take care of each other. That was part of the arrangement, yes?” Crowley nods, a little dumbfound by the angel’s words. 

“I promise to take care of you, just as you have taken care of me.” Aziraphale smiles at the demon. 

“But what if something happens? What if I’m right and there’s something lurking just out of sight? I- I can’t lose you again, Angel! I love you too much to go through that again I just can’t!” There was an intense look in Crowley’s eyes. But it was gone almost as soon as it came. 

“Fuck! I didn’t- Angel, I’m sorry- I don’t- I shouldn’t have- That was - Just forget- It was just- Let’s pretend- I know you don’t- It’s alright- Just ignore- It was an-“ Crowley was panicking, stumbling over his words to try and get the angel to forget what he said. 

“My dear, I know this is not the best time for love confessions, but I feel like it is only fair for you to know that I love you too.” Aziraphale was elated. He had always hoped, and even suspected that Crowley loved him, but there is a difference between suspecting and knowing. Hearing Crowley saying those three words made his heart soar. 

Crowley, on the other hand, was dumbstruck. His mind could not process what Aziraphale just said- too be fair he just came down from a paining attack, so his mind isn’t functioning the best at the moment. But still, Aziraphale. _Love. Him? He must have heard wrong. There’s no way the angel loves him back. That’s just crazy talk._

“You can’t love me angel.” Crowley eventually croaked out. 

“And why on Earth can I not? Is there a law that says ‘The Angel of the Eastern Gate must not love the Serpent of Eden’ that I have not been made aware of? If so, someone should have told me before I went through the trouble of loving you. It is much too late now, my dear, for I love you irrevocably.” Crowley’s mouth is hanging open slightly, as he stairs in disbelief at his,  _ his _ ?, angel. 

“Crowley?” The smile on Aziraphale’s face as the demon continues to just stare at him. Then slowly, Crowley inches closer until their millimeters apart. 

“Is this alright?” Crowley asks as his eyes flicker to Aziraphale’s lips. The angel nods and closes the distance, softly bringing their lips together.

It’s tentative, and a little clumsy- they’re both out of practice- but in this moment,  ~~ it’s heaven ~~ it’s perfect. 

This doesn’t fix everything Crowley knows. They still have much to talk about, but in this moment, all he can do is thank someone that he has Aziraphale by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcomed. They encourage and fuel me.
> 
> You can find me at flaming-like-anything on tumblr if that’s your thing. My inbox/ DM is always open.


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